Sitting here watching Sex & The City (which I do often) and it’s the episode where Samantha gets caught by Carrie giving the delivery man a blow job. Of course, anyone who knows S&TC knows that this whole episode was about being judgmental. I started thinking, how did I get here? Honestly? I don’t recognize this person and what’s more, I don’t really like her very much. I’ve met so many judgemental people in this business and have managed to let all of their negativity rub right off onto me. Women, are insecure in general. Mix it in with being fat, and you have very insecure women. You become surrounded by that and it’s pretty difficult to not turn into the same type of person. It’s so surface and so crappy. But let’s not forget, some people are very, very, bbw sexbehaving this way. They take great pleasure in picking people apart and chopping them up into little bits. Again, finding myself behaving extrordinarily bad towards someone else because I feel they deserve it. Ick, I’m sick of being around this, and sick of feeling this way.
I was talking to my friend one day about something that was going on in my life and he was asking me why I have to judge another person for their choices. I didn’t have a valid answer for him. So that got me to thinking, how did I really end up this way? He also keeps reminding me to stop doing it to myself. Being judgmental of my decisions, my actions, my creativity, my work, my body, my personality, just everything. It’s time I start surrounding myself with positive people and either start pointing those negative people in the right direction or distance myself from them altogether.
So, I guess what I want is this. I want a lot of these women in this business to find some self esteem. Even the fat girls who are getting paid to model mainstream. There is nothing good about tearing down women who pose naked for porn. It does not elevate you, trust me. I want the people who feel negatively about me to just go about their business and I am going to go about mine. I have an amazing future in front of me and I don’t want to miss one second of it because I was too busy worrying about other people. Ciao!
