New callers 3 minutes FREE PHONE SEX!
Jul
17
Lately, my inspiration to post more and more of my pictures on my BBW Blog have been upping the ante for me when it comes to giving you something pleasing to look at. I am more or less going back to basics in a sense. What do I mean by this? I’m going back to my original game plan, things I used to do when I was just a cam girl and before I got caught up all in the competition to garner more more popularity and fan comments on message boards. I like taking impromptu candids on my webcam and loading them up in slide shows. It’s so quick and easy and within 10 minutes have a full set of pics for you to look at. This is not to say that I don’t love taking my bbw photos with the high resolution camera, because I do. It’s just a matter of me liking the combination of both, so that there are times when I’m just getting ready to get on cam I can snap them and throw them up so you know what I am looking like on a particular day.
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Feb
24
Sitting here watching Sex & The City (which I do often) and it’s the episode where Samantha gets caught by Carrie giving the delivery man a blow job. Of course, anyone who knows S&TC knows that this whole episode was about being judgmental. I started thinking, how did I get here? Honestly? I don’t recognize this person and what’s more, I don’t really like her very much. I’ve met so many judgemental people in this business and have managed to let all of their negativity rub right off onto me. Women, are insecure in general. Mix it in with being fat, and you have very insecure women. You become surrounded by that and it’s pretty difficult to not turn into the same type of person. It’s so surface and so crappy. But let’s not forget, some people are very, very, bbw sexbehaving this way. They take great pleasure in picking people apart and chopping them up into little bits. Again, finding myself behaving extrordinarily bad towards someone else because I feel they deserve it. Ick, I’m sick of being around this, and sick of feeling this way.
I was talking to my friend one day about something that was going on in my life and he was asking me why I have to judge another person for their choices. I didn’t have a valid answer for him. So that got me to thinking, how did I really end up this way? He also keeps reminding me to stop doing it to myself. Being judgmental of my decisions, my actions, my creativity, my work, my body, my personality, just everything. It’s time I start surrounding myself with positive people and either start pointing those negative people in the right direction or distance myself from them altogether.
So, I guess what I want is this. I want a lot of these women in this business to find some self esteem. Even the fat girls who are getting paid to model mainstream. There is nothing good about tearing down women who pose naked for porn. It does not elevate you, trust me. I want the people who feel negatively about me to just go about their business and I am going to go about mine. I have an amazing future in front of me and I don’t want to miss one second of it because I was too busy worrying about other people. Ciao!
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Feb
11
Things are getting too revealing and I guess I didn’t consider that some of the stuff I write about is not just about my life. When I think about it, I have kind of revealed too many of my own intimate thoughts as well. I just get tired of talking about masterbation and dudes from the phone. I chose to live under a microscope so to speak. Others deserve their privacy.
On to me. I’ve been thinking about weight loss. Ugh, I know that because I’m in the BBW scene that I’m not supposed to think about wanting to lose weight. Or I’m not supposed to be for weight loss surgery. Yea it’s controversial either way that you look at it. I know this, I’m tired of being a fat person. I’ve never really identified myself as a fat person, I’ve just always been fat. I’ve always tried to fight it. I can never succeed past a certain point and that becomes frustrating. My body is uncomfortable right now. I feel I’m breathing heavier because of the excess weight in my belly and I am predisposed to hyper tension which I really don’t want to develop. I want to be able to be active. I used to like working out. However, it was a lot easier to get my ass in the gym at 210 then it is at 310. There were also a lot more significant changes that were more noticeable at that weight. So much to the point were I got down to 190 and was in a size 36 501’s or size 16 in women’s jeans.
I was strong and healthy and could have sex like a marathon runner lol and in many positions. Even masterbation is being hindered at this point. Also, at some point from slouching in my chair for cam shows I managed to slip a disc out of place and the excess weight bothers that. I just really don’t want to be fat anymore. I want the fat giblets in between my legs to be gone, and I want the built in bra line to disappear so I can have normal looking tits that don’t look like I have two pair. I realize if I go ahead with this that I will be closing an entire chapter of my life and starting a new one. I see lots of girls who were a lot more heavy than me going through with it and leaving their old followings behind. Shit if they can do it, so can I. And I don’t want people to think that it’s because I think I’m not attractive. LOL Because in fact, it’s quite the opposite.
If I change my body, I will still continue to do what I do, only at a different weight. As long as I am at the weight I am at, I will continue to be proactive of it. Like I have my bbw blogs and sites and stuff and will continue to push them but this site will inevitably change. Now I have to figure out how I am going to go about doing this. I’m determined to find a way.
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