The most important love relationship we can ever have is with ourselves. As a BBW this can be a very tough lesson to learn. In fact for any person of size this can be a hard sell. Two days ago I was hurting because I was stunned to find out something regarding someone I care for more than my words can express. We each go through our own personal pain. People damage us. We in turn damage others, unintentionally. The road to loving ourselves can be a long one for those of us who have been damaged repeatedly. I started my journey March 2007, and I have finally started to make progress this year after ending very toxic friendships. This does not mean that I am an expert and that I don’t have days when I stumble and catch myself falling into old habits and responses.
When you start to love yourself then you can gradually start to let go of fears. I discovered today that I was still holding on to some of my fears and it nearly lost me everything. When you find that person that makes you want to be a better person that is a profound feeling and something that should not be ignored. Yet this sometimes cannot prevent you from making mistakes and succumbing to those fears I mentioned earlier. I am a faulted human, I’ve made lots of mistakes and I have been very mean to many people. I have worked very hard to distance myself from who I was and there is a wide gap there now. Today was incredibly enlightening for me in regards to my personal relationship. I cherish it and him tremendously and I honestly hope that people will not be selfish and disrespectful of what I share with this person and just go away. I seriously hope that those people will do the right thing and work on loving themselves and their own partners instead of breaking apart something true and real. I sincerely hope that these people bow out now while it’s still in their best interests to do so. If they do not, they will not like the outcome. It’s time for them to be shown the door…
