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My BBW blog may not be a failure after all
Posted on 01.22.07 by Big Butt Nicole @ 6:17 pm

Well seeing how yesterday I was full of pessimism about my blog I thought today would be an appropriate day to talk about optimism lol. Hmm well that just got shot to shit. I was about to talk about how I got a really kick ass review from Jane’s Guide and from a very funny Mercy from Cyberspace Babes yesterday after she came and visited my blog but that all just got shot to shit when I get hit up on ICQ by the guys over at Rabbit Reviews. Now, they reviewed me months ago and I was very displeased with it. It was a review I never really wanted. I reluctantly agreed after the guy who owns the site told me that it would be handled with the utmost maturity. Review sites suck. At least as far as the average BBW review goes. They skim through shit, and believe me this is not the first time I have had a completely WRONG review though. It would make it seem that to the average porn surfer my site is not worth the $24.99 membership fee compared to my competitors even though this is the average cost of most shitty BBW Mega sites and mainstream porn sites. I got another one from a different review site that totally blew my mind because they didn’t even know what fetishes I catered to when they said I did a lemon and lime fetish and stated I had a few pitiful galleries. WTF IS THAT YOU FUCKING MORONS? It was a pantyhose fetish with green colored pantyhose!

Talk about fucking up a persons day GRRRR. I’m so heated right now from the conversation that I want to punch a hole in the wall. More so because when the review first came out, I complained to the site owner. I guess his answer to that was to just ignore me. Now months later I get someone else hitting me up telling me they need to get back into my site. Uh the fuck you don’t! My other gripe was that they talk about BBWS in a deragatory manner. Which was another reason why I didn’t want to review. You know it’s like do what you want. I asked that they just remove me and they are telling me I don’t really want to do that. Thanks for telling me what I want.

So yea, lol there you have it. My nice uppity upbeat post about how good I was feeling about my site. ASSHOLES!

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Free BBW Photos -Big Butt Nicole in blue lace camisole/panty set
Posted on 01.22.07 by Big Butt Nicole @ 5:11 am

Well I thought I would give you a little something to look at every day and entice you. As a bbw you can see I have been through many changes since my site started. My fat ass has gotten bigger and smaller. The rest of my body has expanded and shrunk a couple of times as well. In any event I’ve taken it all in stride and continued to try and put my best foot forward. Here I am way back in 2004 after just upgrading to my new camera and this cute asian style camisole and panty set.

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Creating BBW content
Posted on 01.21.07 by Big Butt Nicole @ 4:53 pm

One thing that is always a source of angst for me is what to write about and what kind of content to produce. I find it difficult to post about political BBW topics here because this is a blog on a porn site. Granted, at the present time I have no problem exposing my inner most personal issues right out here for all the world to read. I just don’t want to invite some of the b/s that goes into talking about heated bbw related issues. I don’t want those people here on my blog. The women and men who feel so passionate about those issues really dislike girls like me who bare our sexuality in the open. So I often find that I am lacking words to write. I know this is so very odd from a person who is very opinionated. So, I often write personal posts or just post pictures because people make it very hard to do what I do. But let me come back to this.

I have polled my members for months now and the general consensus is that you guys would like to see me having sex. I would really like to offer that, I would. The thing is, I’m not going to grab a guy off the street or internet to have sex with. Trust me I have thought about it, long and hard. I have been playing with the idea for over two years now. My partner or partners are not really gung-ho about appearing in a sex scene either. People have various reasons about why they don’t want to go down that road and I have to respect that. I had an idea for a website built around me that I wanted to do but then I start thinking about it and decide against it. Believe me, there is an endless supply of “volunteers” from the internet but little regard to my safety. There are a million factors that can go wrong with meeting a potential person to shoot a scene with. I am a single woman with no live-in partner, no spouse and no business partner. It would be extremely irresponsible of me to put myself in jeopardy just to get a bj scene or full sex scene with a complete stranger. Some women are comfortable having such a cavalier attitude about their sex lives and personal safety. That is just not me. So until I can find someone I can trust this is something that I continue to have to put on the back burner. I’m left with having to come up with photo ideas and video ideas that are focused soley around me.

Yes, I have to make content that is based on just me for right now. But one thing that I do like is that I take better photos than what is offered by most BBW mega paysites. Also, 99.9% of my content is in house. There are only two websites who have any of my content and the amount they do have is so minute that it really doesn’t make a difference. Those mega BBW sites have been around for years for starters. They also go and buy content from the handful of content suppliers that even produce BBW content and it’s all old photographs from years ago. You see the same stale stuff over and over again and you are fooled into paying $29.99 to see it. There are some mega or multi girl BBW sites who are changing that and taking matters into their own hands. Mainly by shooting the content themselves, to use exclusively or they let the model share rights to the materials as well. But for the most part you will see BBW content like mine and many other BBW solo girls remain exclusively to themselves. Taking it into your own hands produces a better product. Now granted I am limited as to what I can do because I have to shoot with a remote. Most people would never even guess this. I am asked all the time by strangers, who shoots your photos? Have you had them shot in a studio? But for myself, I am ever critical and just don’t have the energy to walk around in 5.5″ heels moving props and camera angles. So I remain critical and a little disappointed by my own photos. It wouldn’t matter though, because I’m always critical of my own work.

But back to what I was originally talking about. I guess what I write about is of little interest to the average blog surfer. Do you really want a political view mixed in with porn? Mmm, probably not. I just don’t want to write about cliche topics either. The age old topics about bbws are better lovers, or bbws have self esteem issues or bbws this or bbws that. Bleh… I mean what I could do is start going on a rampage about how my fat ass didn’t fit into a booth table at an old favorite diner one night because the new owners decided to gutt the place and put smaller booths and tables in so they could squeeze more customers in. So not only did I feel gargantuan for not being able to fit into a booth with my skinny brother but I also felt like a 600lb gorilla when they sat us down at a table and these shitty rickety chairs. What ever happened to a diner being a plush place to eat? I remember that place having huge heavy chairs that you sunk into, and yes even at my size! So I could talk about how the world completely ignores fat people by not accomodating them at all, but how interesting is that? Wouldn’t I start to look like a bitter fat woman who thinks the world should cater to her instead of her just trying to fit into a world she has grown too big for?

I could write about how BBWS are sexy and there are millions of men who secretly want to fuck us, but we know this already. It’s been said again and again. Then it leads into the whole topic of yes, they want to fuck a BBW but they would never be seen with a BBW. Man this is just boring shit after 4.5 years in this business and community. I don’t want to write about it. So I find that I am constantly struggling to write about something that provokes discussion. Nothing that I do seems to spark much. So I feel as a blogger, I have failed. I will always be proud of being part of the movement that pushes big sexy girls into the forefront. I will even be willing to take all the negative slut remarks I get from all the people who look down their nose at women who take their clothes off. I guess until people start doing something against the grain I will be forced to continue talking about myself and my daily mundane life.

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BBWS with confidence
Posted on 01.17.07 by Big Butt Nicole @ 10:36 pm

I am asked all the time from guys on every site that I am on or guys that come into my cam rooms or on the phone asking me how they can get their girlfriend/wife to have more confidence to dress more sexy. Lately, I have been frequenting AOL chat rooms(I do this from time to time) and naturally I get a lot of attention. But I mean this is always how things have been for me long before I decided to dip my foot into the adult pond. Now that I have better photos and hotter clothes to pose in of course my pictures are such tease material that the guys just go crazy, seriously. It’s actually funny what some of them will do and say just to get my attention.

I mean I don’t really know what to tell people. The thing is confidence has to come from within. You can tell your girlfriend and wife that she is sexy but unless she feels it, she won’t believe you.  Some women have society’s stigma so etched into their brain that they dare not wear shorts on a hot summer day. Some bbws will never overcome this body shame. A lot of women decide to post nude photos of themselves on public message boards and play on their webcam for free on many of the free chat services to gain attention and confidence. I mean this could be one way to go, however I have found that any woman I have encountered that built her self esteem from having men compliment them on nude photos, constantly seeks out that validation. Their websites become their identity and they have to get their “fix” by posting more nudes and resort to fishing for compliments. A compliment that I have to ask for is not worth having in my book :-).  They don’t realize that a lot of men will say anything for free jack off material. They kind of need the outside validation. This may seem hypocritical coming from a woman who has a nude paysite but you see my confidence was already intact when I started. It was my confidence in myself and my body that solidified it for me, I knew could do this. For years I got validation without every having to take my clothes off.

In any event, I guess if I can offer any kind of advice to a woman who may be struggling to find her self esteem I would say the first thing you have to do is buy clothes that flatter your figure instead of hiding it. Nothing is less sexy than looking like a frump.  I’m not saying go out and buy a slutty wardrobe, but I do suggest you buy something that is outside your safety net, like a sexy dress that accentuates one part of your body, preferably the one you feel the most good about (cleavage for example). There are many clothing sites around these days catering to big women with extremely figure flattering apparel. I can remember a night where some of the most attention I have ever received was in my favorite tattoo pencil skirt and a figure hugging 3/4 sleeve top. So it’s not about showing skin, it’s about letting them know that you know you are bad ass no matter what you are wearing. Taking pride in your appearance and hygiene is a step in the right direction. When you start having people pay you a compliment or say “wow, you look fabulous in that dress (outfit, skirt etc…) then it will start to click.

What I am today, I evolved into. But I think what really gave me the boost was dropping a lot of weight in the summer between junior and senior years in high school. When I came back from summer recess people were shocked. So that really drastic response is what did it for me. LOL now I’m not saying I have been a fashion plate forever because lord knows I have had my share of disasters lol but that was the pinnacle for me and I never looked back. Back then I was deep into club culture and wearing more hip-hop styles and just having fun with my style. All I wore were gap clothes and baggy jeans. After a while it morphed into tighter jeans, tops, sexy dresses and skirts. Having confidence is not being afraid to take risks and perhaps appearing ridiculous to the rest of the world. You have to take it in baby steps. Don’t try and start at the finish because if you rush into it you won’t have a solid foundation in yourself. That is the most important thing, having enough confidence to let nothing and nobody shake you. So the last bit I can say is that if you trying to get your girlfriend to experiment with her wardrobe, even if it’s just in the privacy of your own home have her check out my plus size clothing blog, It’s A Plus Size World. Even if it’s just to get an idea of something she might find sexy and could see herself wearing.

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Moving on with my life
Posted on 01.16.07 by Big Butt Nicole @ 5:17 am

Hmm, this is a hard post. I don’t know really where I want to start. It is a very personal one. Sometimes people come into your life and you really hope that they will always be a part of it. You always hope for the best. It seems that when it comes to the romance department I am defective. I’m this way in the fact that I strive for an overly idealized notion of what I should have as a relationship. I guess I wrongly believe that I am entitled to have a person of my own to care about and them care for me back. Maybe I just end up in the situations that I do because I am afraid of intimacy and commitment. I say I want these things, yet I always end up with the people who will never give it to me.

I don’t like inviting people into my private life, which is why it’s difficult to post this. But as sick to my stomach this is making me, I think this is something that I need to do. What I project outward is nothing like what I am inward. I am a mean person to the outside world because I’m afraid. I am human and deeply flawed.  But I am in a great deal of pain, and have been for some time now and I want to not be anymore(sorry to the grammar police). I write in my private diary, talk to my girlfriends till their ears bleed, occupy my time with the only man in my life at the moment and nothing helps me to stop thinking about it. I just want to move on from this point of my life and forget the last year. There are good things in my life and I cannot enjoy them because I am completely absorbed in this mess.

I don’t need to go into the sordid details of what I am talking about. I will say there are only so many things a person can take and be tested on before they will blow. I think for me, I long surpassed the test of my own patience in the vain hope of gaining what I wanted out of this situation. Dude, you win. I’m admitting defeat. Obviously my will is just not strong enough to withstand so much rejection and torment. I’ve said some things and acted in a way I am not proud of at all. In a way it has made me appear crazy. I’ve tried to make my peace with that person and I guess the words were just too harsh and I cannot be forgiven. Maybe that anger reflected the depth of my hurt, who knows. Even after all the pain I’ve gone through, I was still willing to forgive because of false hopes I was holding on to.

I’m choosing to move on from that. So, I guess what I want to say is that if there is ever the chance that this is read by the person it’s in regards to, I hope you find what you are looking for. You will never have to worry about seeing my number appear on your phone anymore or hearing from me again. I’m not afraid to show my vulnerability. I know that because of it, I am at least still capable of caring. I’m sure this has left me open to an onslaught of words behind my back or pity and honestly I don’t care. It’s time for my life to go into a different place and I have to let this go. Let bygones be bygones and good night.

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Saturday night at Big Daddy’s
Posted on 01.14.07 by Big Butt Nicole @ 3:08 am

Well it’s about 12:30, just got in the door. Went down to Mass. tonight to hang at big daddy’s house. Have I said how much I hate football LOL? It’s not that I hate it hate it, it’s that football shouldn’t get in the way of everything lol. This man knows how to push all my hot buttons, I swear. I guess you could say he should push them more often because the sex was hot tonight. Nothing like angry sex lol. I got there and I was all worked up because we fought just before I left the house. Yea I know it’s retarded. But then you know when I get there it’s a different story. I’ve had time to cool off a little bit in the car and so when I get upstairs the monkey business starts. LOL he’s like I should put my foot up your ass, and kicking me in the butt and a little play fighting takes place . My god he is strong! And BIG! LOL and he let’s this pint size brat shortie all of 5′2″ mouth off to him all the time lolol.  And don’t you know it, I left as hot as I arrived lol. It’s twisted how we fight but there is that physical chemistry and it keeps it hot. I’m just happy that he is here to keep my mind off of other things that were weighing me down bad. It’s helping me get through some difficult stuff that I know would otherwise just consume me. I swear he would be the ideal roommate. We have completely different schedules and there would be built in sex and we would be doing business together. It’s almost perfect. LOL I said almost, and that’s why it’s fantasy lol. It’s too bad I can’t move into the place he is in when he moves, it is not a bad place at all. It’s a nice two bedroom duplex but the rent is a little steep. I could live there though. It’s a quiet neighborhood, his boy owns the house and is hardly around. I soo need a break from annoying neighbors. I dunno, just thoughts to play around with in my mind. It’s late and I’m tired from fucking. Going to bed boys! Night!

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How fast things change.
Posted on 01.12.07 by Big Butt Nicole @ 3:28 am

Things in my life are wizzing right by. Some things that I thought would break me don’t seem so significant anymore. More things happening in my life right now than I had anticipated. Still some bumpy roads ahead. Reconnecting with people from the past. Learning to stick to my resolutions for 07. So far so good. Things are a lot better because of it. Not going to worry about anyone else, it’s counterproductive. Putting all the pieces of the puzzle together, slowly and surely. Looking at the future, have to go it alone. Kind of always knew that in the back of my mind. Time to let go of my failures. Can’t do anything about them. Accept failure, make room for success. Accept all of your actions, good and bad. Face the consequences. The full moon is gone and so is all my worry. Want to talk, but I can’t. So tonight I will dream.

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Death Defying Plunge! Wow what a dress
Posted on 01.09.07 by Big Butt Nicole @ 11:10 pm

This week is an extremely daring feat. A super plunging backless dress such as this on a BBW is some task to pull off let me just tell you! But I have to say I love how it looks. I’m very partial to red on me, if you haven’t noticed by now lol. I can’t help it, it’s such a vibrant color and it really just pops. Well this set is about to go up on the site monentarily so if you want to see all of the great shots and a really hot video of me masterbating in the dress afterwards then come inside to see the rest. Get your Big Butt Nicole fix tonight ;-).

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Ok I officially hate football
Posted on 01.08.07 by Big Butt Nicole @ 3:41 am

Sorry but I need to go on a rant for a minute here lol. I really really really really hate football. WHY do you guys have to be soooooo into it that it consumes your life? Like for example, once the game is over it’s over. LOL Does it have to occupy the rest of your night? Are you going to call your buddies and gush over each play? Highly unlikely. So why does it have to take precedence over everything else? I can’t wait for superbowl sunday I tell ya. It’s down right irritating lol. Oy, what a retarded day. I should be in bed, I have to get some training done tomorrow and have to be there at 10:00am, it’s 3:40am right now lol. I’m just a glutton for punishment it seems.

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Big Daddy Knocked Nikk’s boots!
Posted on 01.04.07 by Big Butt Nicole @ 1:11 pm

So… Happy New Year all! I’m sure you all had a decent new years and are in full swing in 2007. As for myself, the beginning of the week had to do with a seriously nasty case of PMS. I never recognize it, and by the time I do it has usually reared it’s ugly head. This time it was bad, destructive even. And even as the events were unfolding, I could feel myself saying to myself “why are you doing this”? I still had a chance to back out and not choose the route I went in, and yet I chose to ignore it. Probably one of the most regrettable mistakes I have made. Whenever I am in that fever pitch of PMS I always seem to manage to tell myself that I’m right in what I’m doing, and it usually turns out to be the worst thing I could be doing. After doing it, the first thing I noticed was the anger was gone and then an intense feeling of regret. I sent the person I offended an apology card as well as followed up with a phone call yesterday. Yes I left it on his voice mail, but given the circumstances, I only have limited ways in which to make contact for the time being. No matter what my justifications for feeling so angry were, did not make it ok to do what I did. I fear I have permanently damaged this friendship. That may be something I have to accept.

So not feeling very good about myself I texted big daddy. I just needed him, and when Nik needs him, he’s always there. This is a complicated friendship that some people in my life can’t seem to understand. We have certainly had a rocky past. We do have lots of good stuff between us, he always gives me guidance when I need it, plus we have a working partnership that is slowly becoming bigger. As for some of the other things how shall I say it? I’ve always felt there was a level of selfishness when it came to him and sex and that there were certain boundaries. But if you remember last week, I wrote about the dream I had with him in it and how good the sex was. Well damn it sure the fuck was! I love being under a big fucker like him. He’s over 6′2″ and just mean looking lol. You know, someone who just handles business. He’s acquired more tattoo’s since I can remember and fuck that gets me hot lol. He dropped his pants and there is that nice hard cock, just waiting for me to down on my knees and get it nice and wet with my lips. Mmm, daddy definitely enjoys watching his big black dick being sucked lol. One thing I do remember is that he has always had a knack for some how driving me all over the bed lol. Mmm, so this big fucka slids up in between my legs and fucked me all over that bed, rubbing all over my clit, and pinching my tits.

A little while after we are just laying around goofing off and I decide to start playing with my clit some more and I didn’t notice at first that he was watching me :-). But then you know he was commentating a little bit and offering up any help he could lol. Who am I to turn down some good help? Hehe, he got me off so good that I was clawing at the bed trying to get away from him lmao. So uh yea big daddy did me good the other night. I needed that in the worst way, it’s been so over due. So we chilled for a little more, watched a boxing match talked a little bit about some business ideas and gave me some good solid guidance with some of my personal issues(which I needed very much) and then I left nice and relaxed. That is until I got pulled over for speeding! UGH! First speeding ticket in like 9 yrs, I can’t believe it. LOL So whatever relaxed feeling I was feeling was totally shot to shit when the cops lights went on behind me lolol. Oh well! I will be sure to drive much more safely the next time lol.

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I'm Nicole, As you can see I am a BBW or big beautiful woman and I am the publisher of this BBW blog. My website caters to men and women who prefer viewing erotic images of fat women, fat pussy, fat ass, fat belly and fat legs. I post many free pictures here and often my posts are quite frank and funny if nothing else. I hope you enjoy my BBW website and my BBW weblog. Remember if you would like to see more photos of me, join today. Thanks for visiting!



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